


5x16: Uncertain

by nightbirdrises



Series: S5 Reaction Drabbles [16]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Reaction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 15:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1474987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightbirdrises/pseuds/nightbirdrises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say every relationship has its ups and downs. However, there have been an awful lot of downs lately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5x16: Uncertain

**Author's Note:**

> ([tumblr](http://princehummel.tumblr.com/post/82904927501))

Kurt wakes up the morning after their talk with a heavy weight in his chest. His hand is at Blaine’s waist - he remembers that they’d spent so long in bed together last night that he refused to let Blaine go back to Mercedes’ apartment so late. It had been reasonable, of course, given his experience a few weeks ago. He was, indirectly, protecting Blaine.

And he sees that Blaine has a point: the balance  _has_  shifted. He’s no longer running scared, standing up only to be torn right back down, relying on Blaine and the tiny dredges of determination he always had that held fast regardless of anything. And Blaine - he’s a star, Kurt knows it, but he’s not acting like one anymore.

God, if he’d known that Blaine’s behavior came down to him feeling insecure, he wouldn’t have so brashly refused to speak to him. But seeing that porn site on Blaine’s laptop - Kurt still has never really managed to understand the appeal, even if the content isn’t a terrifying concept anymore - it had bruised his burgeoning levels of confidence as only Blaine can, lately. So, annoyed and hurt, he’d pulled away when he should have pressed further for the reason behind it.

It’s getting to be kind of a pattern, and Kurt doesn’t like it.

He lets his hand drift up to the slight bulge of Blaine’s belly and rests it there, feeling the warmth of his skin under the covers and watching the way it rises and falls with each gentle breath. Blaine thinks that this - at least in part - makes him  _less_  compared to Kurt, the fact that his body isn’t as lean in certain areas and the fact that he’s falling behind in his classes, mainly the ones involving physical activity. On the contrary, Kurt thinks he’s as handsome as ever, had never really stopped to consider whether or not Blaine is more or less attractive to him because it’s never a question. Blaine will always be beautiful to him, even decades down the line when he may have even more of a belly than he does now, when he starts balding, when they both start to wrinkle despite all their best efforts at proper skin care.

Kurt’s done his time, he has questioned his place with Blaine a million and one ways already. Blaine seems to be doing that now, asking the questions Kurt once wondered about: am I good enough? Will we last?

"Hey," Blaine mumbles, waking up; Kurt looks at him and smiles. "You’re touching my tum." Kurt stifles a giggle.

"Your tum?"

"Mhm. Look at that, it sticks out."

"Yeah? Nothing wrong with that," Kurt assures him, rubbing over his belly a little.

"Except yours doesn’t do that, not anymore."

"Sure it does." Kurt turns onto his back, patting his stomach. "See?"

"You’re cheating," Blaine accuses, glaring at him through sleepy eyes. "You’re puffing it out."

"Okay, okay," Kurt says, and lets his muscles relax as he returns to his original position. "You know, if you really want to lose some weight, you can join me in dieting and exercising. But…"

"But what?"

"But I don’t want you to lose _all_  of it. I like it. I mean, come on, your ass is ten kinds of delightful whereas a year ago it was only six.”

"I know." Blaine glances down, a smile pressing at the corners of his mouth. "I mean, I know that you think that, especially after last night."

"Well, I would certainly hope so. Although I’m not against proving it to you again." Kurt spreads his fingers wide, covering as much of Blaine’s belly as he can. It happens to be his left hand, so the engagement ring flashes as it catches a bit of sunlight from the window. It reminds him of something. "Blaine?"

"Hm?"

"Remember how I told you that I talked to my dad on the way to Dalton before you proposed?"

"Yeah. I still can’t believe you figured it out," Blaine says.

"It wasn’t really that subtle, honey, but the effort to keep it secret was admirable. Anyway, I still didn’t know if I would say yes, but I told Dad that you make me feel safe, first and foremost." Blaine gives a weak sort of half shrug.

"Maybe back then, but—"

"But nothing. That was less than a year ago and, as far as I’m concerned, that hasn’t changed. I could be some kind of invincible, fearless superhero and it wouldn’t change."

Blaine doesn’t seem convinced, but he doesn’t argue. Kurt sighs, tucks his head against Blaine’s shoulder and stares at the rise of their feet under the covers. He’s at a loss - he doesn’t know how to show Blaine that he needs him because he loves him and always will, that Blaine makes him feel safe and secure but at the same time is the only person that can make him feel less so because, believe it or not, that starry-eyed boy that transferred to Dalton is still there, and still sees Blaine as nothing short of amazing. He’s not Blaine, after all. Kurt can’t effortlessly make grand gestures or loudly heartfelt declarations of love out of the blue.

But, damn it, he  _loves_  Blaine. All those words - always, forever, eternity - describe the kind of love he feels for him. But if he can’t convince Blaine of that, their differences could be their downfall.

Kurt loves the person he has become, physically and otherwise, but if it’s not the kind of person Blaine needs right now—

He doesn’t want to think about it.

"I know it’s not Sunday, but can I make you breakfast?" Blaine asks quietly. Kurt almost protests, tells him that he’ll make breakfast for Blaine for a change, but it occurs to him that maybe Blaine does this because he needs to feel useful. The thought makes the weight heavier in his chest, constricting.

"Yeah, of course. No cronuts, though."

"No cronuts," Blaine agrees. "I’m swearing off of them. I want to try your diet and exercise regime, I think."

"You sure? Because you know I don’t care about a little extra padding."

"I know. But I’d like to be able to like who I am again," Blaine says. "Maybe dropping some weight and being active will help."

"Okay." Kurt leans up and kisses at the corner of Blaine’s mouth; he’s already tilting his head into Blaine’s hand before it even gets there. If they could be _everything else_  the same way they’re intimate - Kurt thinks they’d be perfect.

But they left perfection a long time ago.

"Are you going to work out while I cook, or…"

"No, I want to come sit at the table and watch. We can gossip about our friends." Like the good old days. Blaine huffs a laugh and twists out from under Kurt, offering a hand to help him up.

Kurt doesn’t know what to do, but he hopes they’ll both figure it out, and soon. He’s not sure how long they can go on like this, nearly crashing and burning only to save themselves at the last minute, though not without bruises to remind them of what went wrong.

Still, he knows he loves Blaine and he’s sure that he always will. He follows Blaine into the kitchen and sits down, grinning when Blaine starts to sing an old song Kurt doesn’t even recognize.

If they can make it past this, they can make it through anything. Of that, and of his love for Blaine, Kurt is certain.


End file.
